Hey there. I know i said i'd post but no one was reading so it's whatevskies
i just feel like getting something off my chest...
I HATE TECHNOLOGY.
that's not true, i take it back.
but it really annoys me when you're in the same room as someone or you're talking to them and they're just on their phone or your computer, and get annoyed at you for interrupting their cyber conversations.
it really pisses me off.
for example, i'm sitting here, and a friend of mine is using my computer. every time i try to start a conversation (after all we are at my house in texas and she can't exactly leave and she's in my room?!) she ignores me or answers with a word/noise/
eg:
So do you remember what we found so funny in the car today? I don't remember what it was but we were laughing pretty hard :)
answers:
no
urhhhh (grunt)
not really
(none)
I'M SITTING RIGHT FRIGGIN HERE. I HAD TO GET MY DAD TO LET ME USE HIS LAPTOP BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS USE MY COMPUTER TO TALK TO YOUR OTHER FRIENDS (THAT I'M NOT SUPER CLOSE WITH) AND EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON FACEBOOK ALL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT THEM/TEXT THEM CONSTANTLY I DON'T THINK I'VE SAID ANYTHING TO YOU THE ENTIRE TIME WE'VE BEEN HERE.
I'M GOING NUTS
IT'S JUST REALLY IRRITATING
ARGH
alright i guess i'm gonna go chat with some of MY friends. that she's not friends with.
I MEAN I JUST
i guess i just wish she'd take a hint, you know?
i'm being really obvious that i want to talk and she just ignores me
it's irritating but it also makes me really sad.
fuck.
signing off, yo
try to behave guys :P
isa (no x's or o's for you >:P )
....
fine. one O.
O
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I should be sleeping
Good morning, fellow readers!
You're probably not up yet. It's currently 3:27 in the morning, and (feeling guilty about breaking my promise to continue blogging) I am awake and ready to write!
Of course, the only thing I can think to write about is, well, sleep.
The thing is, I don't sleep. I do occasionally, and now that I'm on sleeping pills it's better, but in my pre-Trazodone era, I could get in 5 hours at most (and that's on a good night). As teenagers we're supposed to sleep at least 8 hours, if not 9 or 10, a night. And it's proven that it's not just a matter of SLEEPING more, it's getting up LATER. But of course, I'm screwed either way.
Not a lot of people...understand...my sleeping habits. Most people wonder how I can even get through the day. Sometimes I wonder that, too. I started having insomnia issues in middle school, where I would go to bed around 10 at night and wake up at 4 AM to start getting ready. Yes, this was a time when I was more concerned on how I looked than how I lived, and it was imperative I wake up to straighten my hair. Anyway, that's about 6 hours a night. It doesn't look so bad, and it didn't feel bad either. I was fine. I could function normally, and I could easily go a night with 4 hours of sleep and be okay the next day.
NOT ANYMORE.
When high school came around, I actually started having problems. I went through a handful of stages, which ultimately led to my reliance on Trazodone (a sleeping medication that also treats depression). The first was when I would "wake up". I don't know where I came up with such an original name! My tired mind couldn't come up with anything else to describe my fatigue. Each morning at exactly 3:32, I would wake up. No alarm, no noise (I asked around multiple times, trying to find a culprit), nothing. I would just WAKE UP. It was extremely uncomfortable, and I couldn't get back to sleep afterwards. It affected my performance in school a whole FReAKING lot.
The next stage was, again with the original names, was "barely asleep". It's exactly what it sounds like--I was barely asleep. I would relax at night, and think I was falling asleep, but it never came. You know when you're really tired, and your eyes are drooping, and you have just enough energy to reach over and turn off your iPod before you crash? I never crashed. I could remember my exact movements the next day (i flipped my pillow halfway through the night, then 20 minutes later I rolled over, then I would get hot and roll over again, etc). I made CONSCIOUS decisions while "sleeping", and I would constantly be thinking throughout the night. I never got any REM sleep, which is the most important, and my brain NEVER GOT A BREAK. EVER.
After that was nightmares. They were pretty bad. I want to give an example, but I don't want to freak y'all out, so I guess I'll just say some general stuff. A lot of them were about my close family and friends dying. I had one really awful one where my little brother and sister were ripped apart in front of me (they are 3 and 4 by the way). Another featured my good friend Ananda. That one I don't talk about.
They were bad news.
I would go to sleep normally, at 10, but wake up around 1 or 2 in the morning, screaming and sobbing. They were REALLY scary. The ones that weren't gory were about falling, and I would almost always wake up gasping for air and shaking. If they weren't about falling, they were about that other stuff. Sometimes I would wake up fine, but start crying and sobbing when I realized the fate of my loved ones. And these dreams were very, very realistic.
The fourth stage wasn't that bad. I just couldn't fall asleep. The end.
Pretty simple, huh?
I just couldn't fall asleep. I went days and days with no sleep, and when my body eventually succumbed, it would last at most an hour.
After that I sought help, and it's gotten better. Last night I didn't take my medicine (for personal reasons) and I had a bad dream. It wasn't as bad as some, but it was enough to call my friend at midnight, sobbing to see if she was OK. And then I woke up at 2:04 this morning.
So, not such a good night.
I guess this is turning into one of what I call my "starbucks sessions". Literary lion knows what I'm talking about :)
Essentially, i'll write something that affects me in daily life, or something I find interesting or annoying, or even just personal experiences I've had. Then, in the comments, you guys can leave me some stories of your own about that (actually, about whatever you want).
If you know me pretty well, you know that this is what I like to do in person at a coffee shop. I sit on a couch and drink tea, nodding and understanding while people tell me about their problems. God, I'm such a therapist.
But in all seriousness, it's what I do. If someone I know has a problem, a lot of times they come to me, and tell me about it. I guess it would be normal for me to be all understanding and whatnot, but I really hate taking those things from people. Their experiences that is. If someone gives something to me--some information or a story--I'd like to share back. I do this on a much smaller scale within my friend group, but I think if I start writing about stuff on here, I can reach a wider audience. I'd really like to help people.
And sometimes, it's not about doing something. I need to remember that. Sometimes you don't need solutions, you just need someone to say the right things and listen to you, and then let it go. Some of you will find this sappy. I don't care, because I know it works.
I guess this is what The Middle of the Ride has become. I hope you agree with my cause....
Sleeplessly,
Isa
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
You're probably not up yet. It's currently 3:27 in the morning, and (feeling guilty about breaking my promise to continue blogging) I am awake and ready to write!
Of course, the only thing I can think to write about is, well, sleep.
The thing is, I don't sleep. I do occasionally, and now that I'm on sleeping pills it's better, but in my pre-Trazodone era, I could get in 5 hours at most (and that's on a good night). As teenagers we're supposed to sleep at least 8 hours, if not 9 or 10, a night. And it's proven that it's not just a matter of SLEEPING more, it's getting up LATER. But of course, I'm screwed either way.
Not a lot of people...understand...my sleeping habits. Most people wonder how I can even get through the day. Sometimes I wonder that, too. I started having insomnia issues in middle school, where I would go to bed around 10 at night and wake up at 4 AM to start getting ready. Yes, this was a time when I was more concerned on how I looked than how I lived, and it was imperative I wake up to straighten my hair. Anyway, that's about 6 hours a night. It doesn't look so bad, and it didn't feel bad either. I was fine. I could function normally, and I could easily go a night with 4 hours of sleep and be okay the next day.
NOT ANYMORE.
When high school came around, I actually started having problems. I went through a handful of stages, which ultimately led to my reliance on Trazodone (a sleeping medication that also treats depression). The first was when I would "wake up". I don't know where I came up with such an original name! My tired mind couldn't come up with anything else to describe my fatigue. Each morning at exactly 3:32, I would wake up. No alarm, no noise (I asked around multiple times, trying to find a culprit), nothing. I would just WAKE UP. It was extremely uncomfortable, and I couldn't get back to sleep afterwards. It affected my performance in school a whole FReAKING lot.
The next stage was, again with the original names, was "barely asleep". It's exactly what it sounds like--I was barely asleep. I would relax at night, and think I was falling asleep, but it never came. You know when you're really tired, and your eyes are drooping, and you have just enough energy to reach over and turn off your iPod before you crash? I never crashed. I could remember my exact movements the next day (i flipped my pillow halfway through the night, then 20 minutes later I rolled over, then I would get hot and roll over again, etc). I made CONSCIOUS decisions while "sleeping", and I would constantly be thinking throughout the night. I never got any REM sleep, which is the most important, and my brain NEVER GOT A BREAK. EVER.
After that was nightmares. They were pretty bad. I want to give an example, but I don't want to freak y'all out, so I guess I'll just say some general stuff. A lot of them were about my close family and friends dying. I had one really awful one where my little brother and sister were ripped apart in front of me (they are 3 and 4 by the way). Another featured my good friend Ananda. That one I don't talk about.
They were bad news.
I would go to sleep normally, at 10, but wake up around 1 or 2 in the morning, screaming and sobbing. They were REALLY scary. The ones that weren't gory were about falling, and I would almost always wake up gasping for air and shaking. If they weren't about falling, they were about that other stuff. Sometimes I would wake up fine, but start crying and sobbing when I realized the fate of my loved ones. And these dreams were very, very realistic.
The fourth stage wasn't that bad. I just couldn't fall asleep. The end.
Pretty simple, huh?
I just couldn't fall asleep. I went days and days with no sleep, and when my body eventually succumbed, it would last at most an hour.
After that I sought help, and it's gotten better. Last night I didn't take my medicine (for personal reasons) and I had a bad dream. It wasn't as bad as some, but it was enough to call my friend at midnight, sobbing to see if she was OK. And then I woke up at 2:04 this morning.
So, not such a good night.
I guess this is turning into one of what I call my "starbucks sessions". Literary lion knows what I'm talking about :)
Essentially, i'll write something that affects me in daily life, or something I find interesting or annoying, or even just personal experiences I've had. Then, in the comments, you guys can leave me some stories of your own about that (actually, about whatever you want).
If you know me pretty well, you know that this is what I like to do in person at a coffee shop. I sit on a couch and drink tea, nodding and understanding while people tell me about their problems. God, I'm such a therapist.
But in all seriousness, it's what I do. If someone I know has a problem, a lot of times they come to me, and tell me about it. I guess it would be normal for me to be all understanding and whatnot, but I really hate taking those things from people. Their experiences that is. If someone gives something to me--some information or a story--I'd like to share back. I do this on a much smaller scale within my friend group, but I think if I start writing about stuff on here, I can reach a wider audience. I'd really like to help people.
And sometimes, it's not about doing something. I need to remember that. Sometimes you don't need solutions, you just need someone to say the right things and listen to you, and then let it go. Some of you will find this sappy. I don't care, because I know it works.
I guess this is what The Middle of the Ride has become. I hope you agree with my cause....
Sleeplessly,
Isa
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Monday, March 21, 2011
Alright...(or, in typical teenage language, IGHT)
Hey there, y'all :)
It's been, what, a year since I last posted?
Something like that.
Earlier today, a friend of mine asked me to start posting again. In response, I drew her a squirrel named Bill. I guess that was a "yeah, sure" from me, because here I am, writing again. It's kind of weird. I'll have to get back into my groove, which might take a while, so bear with me, okay?
I tried asking people to tell me what to write about, but everything was so...hard. This is going to be my post for today, which is pretty lame, I know. I'm sorry that it's 9 o'clock at night and I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I'll probably start blogging again tomorrow, if I have something to write about. If I don't, I'll probably just write about my life. Or my day. Or something strange like that. If you find that boring or annoying, I'm very sorry. Feel free to suggest things you want to hear my opinion on. I could use the help ^_^
So yeah...
I guess this is my formal way of saying that I STILL wish people would pay attention to and value my words. I doubt that will ever happen....but if you read this, will you let me know? Or something? I'm running low on self-esteem butterflies, and it would really help if you would comment and say that I'm the most awesomest person that you've ever met! Kidding, kidding :)
I guess I'll see you here again tomorrow...
maybe...
sort of.....
O.o
lots of love,
isa xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo <---- I just really love x's and o's! also, it's fun to type like that. DON'T JUDGE! I CAN FEEL YOUR JUDGEMENT ON MY X'S AND O'S! :) haha, for serious guys, i love you!
It's been, what, a year since I last posted?
Something like that.
Earlier today, a friend of mine asked me to start posting again. In response, I drew her a squirrel named Bill. I guess that was a "yeah, sure" from me, because here I am, writing again. It's kind of weird. I'll have to get back into my groove, which might take a while, so bear with me, okay?
I tried asking people to tell me what to write about, but everything was so...hard. This is going to be my post for today, which is pretty lame, I know. I'm sorry that it's 9 o'clock at night and I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I'll probably start blogging again tomorrow, if I have something to write about. If I don't, I'll probably just write about my life. Or my day. Or something strange like that. If you find that boring or annoying, I'm very sorry. Feel free to suggest things you want to hear my opinion on. I could use the help ^_^
So yeah...
I guess this is my formal way of saying that I STILL wish people would pay attention to and value my words. I doubt that will ever happen....but if you read this, will you let me know? Or something? I'm running low on self-esteem butterflies, and it would really help if you would comment and say that I'm the most awesomest person that you've ever met! Kidding, kidding :)
I guess I'll see you here again tomorrow...
maybe...
sort of.....
O.o
lots of love,
isa xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo <---- I just really love x's and o's! also, it's fun to type like that. DON'T JUDGE! I CAN FEEL YOUR JUDGEMENT ON MY X'S AND O'S! :) haha, for serious guys, i love you!
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